Category Archives: Journal

Things change daily. I never know what to expect from one day to the next. Makes it impossible to plan anything.

I picked up Michelle yesterday and brought her home. We got home around 9pm last night. I also found out that Barry is leaving on Monday now. I have told work that I’ll be taking Monday off to help him load up to leave. He has a lot of heavy things, including our old 32-inch TV, which he is taking home with him. He apparently has to get back in time to deal with court issues.

After that, Michelle and I are on our own. On one hand, it is good. On the other, it will be very difficult, as I have to go to work and cannot be there for her, especially if she has complications. I just pray that Michelle will do what is necessary and there will be no complications. Continuing one day at a time.

Michelle just called me. The current plan is for her to be released from the hospital tomorrow. Her leakage has pretty much stopped, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, they still don’t have an answer to what is wrong and what is causing the issue.

I drove to work today with Barry, my father-in-law. I told him this morning that there was a possibility of her being released today, and he ranted that they cannot release her until they find out what is wrong. Like the solution is that simple. Michelle called me after calling her father, and she told me he ranted at her about being released too soon. I know that, when I pick him up after work, he will be ranting to me again about it. I am not looking forward to it. I’ll let him rant, like I did this morning, but I won’t respond. As much as I would love for them to find a solution that will fix her, I know that is most likely not going to happen.

“If anything can go wrong, it will,” Capt. Edward A. Murphy, USAF, 1949.

I would ask “what more could go wrong” but I think Murphy has already jinxed me enough.

I had my first counseling session yesterday. It went well. It is going to be weekly, only the next session won’t be until August 9. Apparently, I caught him just before he left on a two-week vacation. Oh well, I’ve dealt with this stuff for six years, what’s another two weeks?

Barry, my father-in-law, is staying. This is a mixed blessing. I am very thankful that he is here to help Michelle recover, but he has his life he needs to get back to as well. He has been with us almost a year now.

Michelle is still in San Francisco. She said she was bleeding and had a bad allergic reaction to medications. They don’t know what the problem with the tube was yet, thinking it was a blockage. They are going to do more tests. Don’t know how long she’ll be there. I wouldn’t expect longer than the weekend, but with Michelle, you never know.

I’m tired. I’m worn out. I just keep moving, one foot in front of the other, waiting to emerge from this storm.

I don’t know when this is all going to end. For all I know it may never end. Michelle started having issues with major leakage from her feeding tube again yesterday. She and her father went to the local ER to try to get it taken care of. They spent all afternoon there. Somewhere around 2 or 3 this morning, Michelle and her father drove up to San Francisco, because the leaking got worse. She has now been re-admitted to the hospital. There is even a question of whether or not her father will leave as planned tomorrow. I just want this to be over. I want her to be stable enough so we can enjoy life. I know she won’t be “perfect” but we should be able to get through even the simple, small things.

On July 30, 2009, my father-in-law arrived to help take care of Michelle.

On July 20, 2010, my father-in-law is heading back home.

Michelle isn’t in the hospital, which is good. She is, still dealing with major medical issues, though. She has been going to the hospital frequently, and has had a number of hospital visits during his stay. She has a feeding tube that needs to be re-bandaged twice a day, and I can only do it once a day during the week due to my schedule. What do we do if she gets sick? What do we do if she has to go to San Francisco again?

I am taking Tuesday off from work to help him load his rental vehicle. He has a couple heavy items that will take two people to lift. I really appreciate all the help he has given us while he was here. Yes, I am glad he is leaving too, because he is not an easy person to live with, but at the same time, I am sorry he is leaving, because he was such a help. Michelle and I love him, and we hope he has a safe trip back. We also pray that she has no further complications and can continue recovering quickly.

Ok. I finally had enough. I’m so tired of everything. I have been lacking desire to do much of anything, and losing myself in escapism. It has been adversely affecting every area of my life. I know I need to do something before I completely lose it. I know and trust that God has been carrying me through, but this cross has been a heavy load.

I found a counseling center near my office, the only one within walking distance. As I take the bus to and from work, and am not home during the week, I needed to find something near my work that took my insurance. This place is a non-profit counseling center, and when I explained my situation, they gave me a rate that was almost the rate of my co-pay. I will start going there next week during my lunch break. Between that, and the prayers and support of my Christian brothers and sisters, I know that the Lord will strengthen me again.

Things have been progressing well with Michelle’s recovery. She has gone to the ER locally a few times since she has been home, but they weren’t serious issues. On Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, we went to see the surgeon in San Francisco, so he could follow-up. He was impressed with her recovery. She no longer has the colostomy bag, and he cleared her to start eating again, something that originally was going to wait until January or February. This meant that she was able to join in the Thanksgiving dinner.

As the intestines are healing, she went back to the doctor to follow-up with the thyroid cancer, that has been on hold since the GI issues have been going on. The decision was made today to take an aggressive approach. Back in November, 2004, she had her thyroid removed due to cancer. Now there is a mass lower in her neck, in her upper chest. It was too deep to get a biopsy, so next Monday, a week from today, she will go to Salinas hospital, a local one, to have the mass surgically removed. She will be in the hospital overnight only. Unfortunately, due to work and pre-existing time off, I won’t be able to take Monday off, so it will be just her father there with her. I will visit her in the evening after work.

Praying that this will go smoothly, and that a one night stay is all that is required.

Updates are slower now because things have been getting better with Michelle. Not that there haven’t been issues along the way, but there are more steps forward than there are back. Our God is an awesome God.

This past week has been interesting, not only for Michelle’s recovery, but just for us in general. Wednesday night my DSL router completely died on me. This left us without Internet for a couple of days. I spent $300 on new equipment to get us back up and running again. Was an unexpected expense, but our home network is much quicker now. Doesn’t help with Internet speeds, but copying files or streaming music over our wireless network is much improved.

Saturday, I had to work from home. Actually, I was on call, so I wasn’t really working, just waiting at home in case I got a call, which I didn’t. Unfortunately, Michelle got sick that afternoon and her father took her to the hospital. While she was there, they discovered she had an infection, so they prescribed an antibiotic. Also, they did a CT scan and discovered that her hole in her intestines had closed as we had suspected. God had healed her and we praise Him for it.

Sunday was a fairly normal day. We did take the time to go see Christmas Carol in 3D, the new Disney animated movie with Jim Carrey. It was the first movie Michelle was able to go to since before she went into the hospital. We both really enjoyed the movie. They kept to the story, which I was concerned about from the previews I saw. Overall, it was very well done. There were a couple of scenes that could have been shorter. It looked like they made it longer for the sake of the 3D effects, but I felt was unnecessary, as the 3D in the rest of the movie stood out so well, enhancing the experience. I would recommend this movie to any who want to see a good, clean holiday movie.

This morning, we had to call the ambulance for Michelle. She got sick for an unknown reason, and accidentally inhaled some of the acids. This aggravated her asthma and made it very hard for her to breathe. Her father went to the hospital with her, while I went to work. They got Michelle under control at the hospital and she got home before I did. She is doing much better, and went to bed early.

Overall, Michelle is still recovering well. These were minor setbacks in the scheme of things, and still there is a marked improvement. We just keep praying she continues to improve and doesn’t have to go back to the hospital at all (except to change the stitches every two weeks).

November has started, and it is looking great so far. Yesterday, we picked up Michelle from the hospital and brought her home. Her medications were taken care of ahead of time at the Walgreen’s across the street from the hospital, and I was able to pick them up while Michelle was getting prepared to be discharged. Spoke with her doctor as well while we there. Her doctor was very confident that Michelle’s healing is going well. She hasn’t had anything in the colostomy bag in three days, which is even better. The doctor said that there is a possibility that Michelle may not have to wait a full three months to start transitioning into solid foods. We just have to take it one day at a time and keep praying. For now, Michelle is on 24/7 tube feedings. She isn’t eating foods, nor is she on the IV nutrients anymore. It is a little cumbersome around the house, but at least it is working. We’re praying that the healing will continue and the tube feedings will only be temporary. All in all, it is great news, and we give God all the glory.

Well, here’s the latest update. Michelle spoke to the doctor today. They are not going to do a CT scan. They are afraid the contrast might damage her intestines. Since it looks like her intestines are healing, they don’t want to risk the complications. Tomorrow or Friday they are going to start her on clear fluids. She has already been off the TPN for a while, and has been exclusively on the feeding tube. Now, they want to slowly start transitioning her into solid foods orally. Even better, the doctor told Michelle that she will be sent home on Sunday. We just have to keep praying that she has no setback prior to Sunday, and no complications once she gets home.